I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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