aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
