Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
