My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
