i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
