well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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