Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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