Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
