remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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