did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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