Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
