i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
