You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
