well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You dont lie about slip and slides
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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