I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
