this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
A bitchslap is in order.
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