Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
