I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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