You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
