Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
