I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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