Sry I called you an 8
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
