Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
