if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
