I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
