I hate all girls vehemently.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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