Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
