Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Holy shit dude........stairs
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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