If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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