My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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