you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
