i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
