My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
