what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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