Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I think I am morally bankrupt
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
