i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
