If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
