thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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