remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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