what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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