Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
