Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
