At least make sure they are 18
Why
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I have already put on my inside pants.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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