dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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