On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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