Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
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