If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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