I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Randomize
