I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
