she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
